Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
