not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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