Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
