Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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