so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
