My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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