these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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