Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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