apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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