with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
