How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
