somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
