Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
