I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
