Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
