I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize