I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
