so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
