a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
