I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
