Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
