The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize