As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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