Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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