"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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