Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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