yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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