It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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