we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
