she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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