I'm lost and stupid without you.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
