I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
