is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
