I think scott just propositioned me for sex
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
