You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
