2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Im part way to drunk.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
