Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
