fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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