dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
