I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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