They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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