Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
