He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
