the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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