Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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