I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
