i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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