you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
