You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
