and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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