Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
