Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
are you so shy because you have an std?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
