ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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