Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
