I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
