he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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