It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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