Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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