i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
