after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i out mim tonsoeep
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
