I saw his package. It spoke to me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
