i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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