Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
