I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
