dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
