Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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