I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
