I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
