Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
