the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
