Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I want is dick and wine.
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