I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
