i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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