Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Randomize
