Your face is a jimmy john
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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