If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
