it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
