I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My pussy is not your playground.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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