Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
