im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
