Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
